Who Am I?

A writing exercise given to us in a workshop this week was to begin with a blank piece of paper and write "I am what I am." at the top, then just write from there. I thought of several things--wife, mother, teacher...and realized that I'm not sure who I am without it being in the context of other people. Is this enough?

"I am what I am....but what is THAT?

I am a wife to a man who is alternatively non-communicative and a wonderful friend and helpmate. At times I just want to hold on to him and never let go, and other times, I want to leave and not come back...

I am a mother to three sons who are sometimes bright, witty and charming, and other times cold, cruel, and just plain awful. These are boys who have wrecked a van, kicked holes in the wall, put bug spray in my Diet Pepsi and couldn't hit the toilet if their lives depended on it. They are also talented and gifted, on the honor roll, well-liked by their friends and very charming when they choose to be.

I am a teacher to elementary music students who are loving, enthusiastic, with a short attention span, and very loud voices. I also work with high school music students who sometimes have voices like angels, and others sound like they have just found their voices after a long period of muteness.

I am a poor housekeeper, but love a clean house...a lazy gardener who loves fresh flowers and vegetables from my own small plot...an avid reader who has not finished a book in weeks (but I've started about four)...but does any of this make me ME?"

It is my hope that by writing a little each day, I might discover the me that either hasn't appeared yet, or has been buried under other people's expectations. Right now, my sons are throwing apple peeling at each other....This moment of escape must end.